Writers' Cell Block 9

This post was written one hour prior to my incarceration on 10/9/2008
Enjoy being in my head!

Dear me, the day has arrived. With a solid month of meticulous preparation (mental and physical) and a surprisingly heart-healthy appetite, I'm ready for eight more hours of the Travis County penal system and all its tragicomic shortcomings. I can't say that I trained alone. I have many people to thank for their sound advice and barbaric suggestions as to how to assert myself as the alpha male of a solitary jail cell. To Christopher Harold Drew: I appreciate your wisdom, but I feel it imprudent to seek out the largest Aryan member to anally sodomize on such short notice. Thanks, but no thanks. To the general public: life on the inside is hard, but drafting "Just Thinking of You" cards littered with lofty rhetoric and sweet nothings will temper my sanity in between an unnecessarily epic amount of grunt inducing push-ups and sit-ups . So, please provide me with addresses if you wish to hear about the life of a natural born swiller...from the inside! My hope is that I can one day publish these revealing correspondences in a tome entitled, "Shattered Dreams of My Father." Just remember this, if your night takes a nosedive for the worse, at least you're not piddling away on an ejaculate soaked bed of petrified monkey shit. Unless you're a sad, lonely college freshman. In which case, at least your parents aren't completely embarrassed...yet. Goodnight Austin, Texas, and may you hear my shrill scream upon my exit around 2 a.m.!
Mandroid Me

over and out